When people tell my great grandchildren about me what will they say? I’m almost 35 and while I have a PhD I’ve decided not to go into academia. I have some expertise, but I’m not sure how or if I will be able to use it. I’m facing a career change but don’t know where to go. I used to say, “If this PhD thing doesn’t work out I’ll open a coffee shop or become a professional organizer.” These things are totally different from my focus on poverty and social movements. But, I wasn’t really kidding. The fact is I love a lot of things.
Take my major projects of the past couple years. I made a huge and complex queen size quilt with
messages from my wedding guest book. I
love it, even though the colors are a little off. Since my daughter was born I’ve written four
songs for her but I don’t envision becoming the next Raffi.
I like to do triathlons – not because I’m particularly fit, but because
they involve three sports not just one.
In fact, I often walk during the run portion because I’m a terrible
runner. I love to cook. I can be found most nights making something,
even something complex, for my family.
As I look around the Bay Area foodie scene though, I have no intention
of joining it. Yesterday, I binge
watched the The
Mystery of Matter on PBS a historical accounting of the
progression of the fields of chemistry and physics. And last week I read a text called The
Reason for God: Belief in the Age of Skepticism addressing skeptics of
Christianity and outlining Christian belief (I’m Jewish). The ideas have been occupying at least 70% of
my thoughts.
Often I wish I had more income or recognition. I want to change the world. But when it comes down to it, these little
side projects take my time and energy and, they make me happy. Maybe focusing on one thing would make me
happy. When I’m honest about it, I don’t
really want to work 60 hours a week like so many experts and “successes”
do. My inclinations don’t really get me
there. Maybe I need more
discipline. Maybe, I should just be me.
I’m a little obsessed with Thomas Jefferson. He was a scientist, linguist, gardener,
musician, architect, and statesman. Of
course, one reason he accomplished so much is that he had women and slaves run
his household and earn his living. They
were the cooks, maids, farmers, blacksmiths, and everything else that enabled
his lifestyle. Of course, I would never
want to go back to that time and those injustices of oppression and inequality. Yet, Jefferson also lived in a time of
limited technology making his wide array of accomplishments easier to
accomplish. The sciences were relatively
new and undeveloped – so to understand and dabble in them didn’t require a PhD
or access to a huge lab. In a country of
just 2.5 million people (more than half of which could not vote and most of
which had little education) competition in the realm of politics was
limited.
Today, things are different.
Most people who succeed practice or study for thousands of hours, they focus,
specialize, have a little luck, and maybe after they get a ton of money they diversify. I admire those people. A big part of me wants to be the best at
something. I also recognize there’s a
lot of ego wrapped up in that. So
instead of feeling insecure or like a failure, I hope they tell my great grandkids
that I was the best at being me.
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